Dare To Make a Difference

Novice Raine Santos, FSP

“His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts, higher than our thoughts.”

(Isaiah 55:8-9)

What has been part of your life?

Becoming a religious was not something that I’d think I would be growing up. It’s something I said I never wanted to be. You see when I was a kid, I got teased by elders that I would be a nun because my shyness came off as being masungit. Nun = masungit? That’s how nuns were mostly portrayed in media, strict teachers/principals, and scary characters in horror movies. But now, I’m so glad to realize that religious sisters are neither masungit, strict nor scary but the opposite!

My family’s religious background

I was brought up surrounded by faithful women in my life. My mother would diligently go to Sunday mass and my grandmother was a member of the Mother Butler Guild in our barangay chapel. I remember growing up participating in Holy Week processions, going on Visita Iglesia, praying the rosary, and just seeing how my mother and grandmother practiced their faith in our family. Although as a child, I was not very diligent even in attending mass. I didn’t have a grasp yet of what was going on, so I thought it was boring and it was just repetitive. I would only heed the invitation of my mother because I know that after going to mass, I have the chance to eat at the nearby fast-food chain. That was my motivation then!

When I grew older and had more experience in life, the seed of faith that my mom and grandmother planted in me started to grow. It was through a major life event that God started to stir up the call to religious life. I was only in my early twenties when I lost my parents. It was heartbreaking. Devastation, hurt, sadness, grief, and more grief filled my days. I could not believe that it was now my reality. I felt like I lost my purpose for living. How can I give back to my parents now that they are gone? I felt the desire to seek my purpose in life. I searched for a retreat and saw one organized by The Feast. I signed up and it turned out to be one life-changing weekend. On that retreat, I was brought back to God, who He is, and who I am in Him. I found my value and worth as His daughter.

Why did I decide to pursue a religious life?

I rediscovered the gifts that He has given me and kindled a fire in my heart to serve Him. Little did I know, His love was slowly creeping into the depths of my heart until more and more of Him started to fill it. I looked back on my life, and I realized how despite losing my parents, God has never really forsaken us, my 3 siblings and me. He has so provided for us and taken care of us through His love from our relatives and friends, especially during the times when our parents got sick. And so, I grew in the knowledge of this abundant love and was just filled with gratitude that I want to give back to the Lord and offer my life to love and serve Him.

How have my religious beliefs changed over time?

But following this call was not easy at all. I cried buckets and buckets of tears asking God why He invited me to the religious life. I was praying for a life partner at that time! And I knew people would be shocked to know about this because I also didn’t think that I could be one! I’m far from being “holy”, saintly, and humble like the sisters. How can this be? But God has been so patient with me in this journey. So, after 5 years, 3 countries, 2 jobs, 1 hurricane, countless crying, hesitations, worries, doubts, and fears, I surrendered to this gentle invitation and entered the convent. Finally, Lord. This is it. No more delays, no more bargaining.

What do I enjoy about being religious?

Religious life is nothing like I have thought it would be. Most people would think that life in the convent is monotonous and routine. Yes, we have a schedule, especially for prayer times (which I am truly grateful for!), but I could say that so far, after being here for almost 4 years, there was never a single day that was the same with another. Living the life of a religious is like a preview of what’s to come in heaven. One lives in a house with other sisters from different families, backgrounds, languages, cultures, and nations. Everyone is equal. One is no longer the dentist, manager, student, ‘bunso’, ate. The vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience bind the sisters to the ultimate realization of their potential to be the person God has made them to be. If you could imagine it, we do not have any common denominator except for the love of God that invites us and continues to unite us with this love. And that’s how it will be in heaven. Every nation, people, and tongue will be gathered (Revelation 7:9), all of us, the Body of Christ.

What challenges do I face in religious life?

Although of course, we are still journeying to our homeland, we are still not without any challenges. One of the challenges for me is being away from my family. I remember during my first few weeks in the convent, I was crying in our prayer room asking the Lord why He had to take me away from my family. I was worried and there was that painful sadness of being away from them. Then that night, God spoke to my heart as if saying, “Raine, I know you love your family. But you cannot love them more than I do.” I felt truly consoled because I know this to be true. I felt assured and confident that God can take care of my family more than I can. He could love them unconditionally more than I can.

My advice for those who are interested (Conclusion)

My advice for those who feel that they have a call? Try it. Start by inquiring about the congregation you are interested in and visiting their community. It would be also helpful to seek advice from a spiritual director or your parish priest regarding your desire. Devote yourself to prayer and speak honestly to the Lord and ask for the grace to listen to Him well. Remember to decide not out of fear but of love and freedom. God will never force you. His love is always gentle and kind. Since becoming a religious sister comes in stages, you will have plenty of time to discern even if you entered the convent already. It just takes an open heart and a trustful yes like Mary to be willing to begin the journey.