With God, All Things Are Possible!

Sr. Sukacita Martir Bildram, SSVM

"Do not be afraid, I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine… And remember, I am with you always until the end of time."

I am from Sabah, Malaysia. I entered on the 6th of August 2016 on the feast of the Transfiguration. My institute is Servants of the Lord and the Virgin of Matara, founded in Argentina. My first profession was on August 15th, 2018, on the feast of the Assumption of our Lady.

What has been part of your life?

When I was around 8-9 years old, I met sisters from the Daughters of Carmel, because they organized a retreat. It was my first time to see sisters. At that time, I far as I can remember I was not Catholic yet. I always saw that they were very happy. Before they were about to leave my parish, I asked one sister, Sr. Maria Colette, PKARM, “Sister why are you always happy? What makes you always joyful?” Pointing to the painting of the Cross on Calvary, she replied, “It is He who makes me happy, He who loves me so much. I belong to Him because He is my Spouse. That’s why I am happy, it’s just because of Him.” Then I answered “But sister, how could it be? He died already. And how can He become your Spouse?” She said, “No, He is not dead, He is alive up until now because He is God. I am His Spouse because I consecrated myself totally to Him alone by doing what He may ask of me.” Then I said, “Really? He is still alive. I hope one day I will become like you so that I will also be happy, and He will be mine. Thank you, sister.”

In saying that I will be like her, I never thought that I must be religious. What most attracted me was that she pointed to the Cross where Jesus was being Crucified, saying that He was the cause of happiness and that He is still alive although He died on the Cross.

My family’s religious background

My family is not all Catholic. My grandma started our Catholicism. She knew the Catholic Church because she studied in the Catholic school of St. Catherine of Siena. Her father came from Hong Kong and was Buddhist, and her mom was a pagan. As for my father’s side, his mom was Catholic, but his father was Muslim. My dad has many siblings because, in the Muslim religion, men can have many wives. Therefore, some of my father’s relatives followed Islam as well. So, when we grew up it was our choice what religion we wanted to believe in. My parents were not Catholic because my mom is Muslim, and my father was pagan then.

On the 15th of April 2006, I was baptized. At that time, I was nine years old. I had asked my mom if I can receive baptism, and my mom answered that it was up to me, and that I would be the one who decides. So, I made my decision. I asked my teacher if I could receive baptism and my teacher said no, because of something related to Muslims. I ran to the parish priest to ask him if I could receive baptism. He asked me, “Why not?” Then I said, “Father because the teacher says I cannot because of my father. But I want to be a Catholic, and I did ask my mom for permission.” The priest consoled me, “Don’t worry. I will be the one who will baptize you.”

My baptism was a great day because there I also experienced His love. Unfortunately, in my time if one wants to receive Jesus in Holy Communion he or she has to wait until 12 years old. I kept this desire to receive Jesus, and the day of my First Holy Communion was the moment when my vocation started to become stronger and stronger. I wanted to give myself totally to Him alone and to be with Him on the Cross and with that, I can be a Martyr like Him.

Why did I decide to pursue a religious life?

The reason why I decided to be religious was because I remember that my teacher in Sunday School told us that many young people do not go to church anymore and that mostly those that go were not so young. Then I raised my hand and said, “Teacher, I will learn English and I will bring young people to go to the church so that the church will be full of people.” My teacher said that I must learn well my catechism, to know God more, and to love Him more to bring others to Him. I have seen that it was true as well. Also, the reason was that I know the Truth, and I want my family, friends, and all men to know this Truth, because this Truth is the true happiness that man longs for. This true happiness can be found in God alone, and the place that is unending happiness is heaven itself. In short, I want Jesus to be known, the Incarnate Word that was made flesh for the salvation of souls.

How have my religious beliefs changed over time?

How my religious beliefs have changed over time was from the grace of God itself. Also, it is thanks to my Institute for the formation that they gave me when I was in the formation houses. Truly, in the convent, I learned a lot. What I learned in Sunday School was basic, but here I understood more. I thank the priests, especially my spiritual director, and my superiors because of their help with my spiritual and physical needs. They instructed me, and most especially I learned much from their daily example. Also, the Holy Mass itself changed me a lot, because the one whom we receive is Jesus Himself. Not only that but what helps me so much are our Constitutions, daily Lectio Divina, and spiritual reading.

What is religious life for me?

For me religious life is to be like Him, to love and to embrace the cross like Him, to suffer silently and patiently like Him, to be humiliated like Him, to be despised like Him, to be considered a fool like Him. In other words, kenosis, is the emptying of oneself. Because only the Cross of Christ sheds light on the path of this life. God is in the detached heart, in the silence of prayer, in the voluntary sacrifice to pain. God is in the Cross and if we do not love the Cross, we will not find Him. If the world and men knew… but they will not know, they are very busy with their interests; their hearts are very full of things that are not God. So, therefore, a religious should want only what her Spouse wants and nothing else. Just as St. Rafqa says, “O Christ, I unite my sufferings to Yours, my pains with Your pains as I look at Your head, crowned with thorns.”

What did I enjoy about being religious?

A lot of things. First, because I do what I must do. I want what He wants thou sometimes was unexpected, but I accept it for the love of Him alone because truly when you do only what pleases you, you will never be happy, and always something goes wrong. Secondly, I can receive Jesus in communion and gaze on Him in adoration. Thirdly, because of my community and my religious family. Where sometimes we will have our recreational day together, pray together and eat together and share our mission because when you did it together there, there is unity. My religious family always made my day and I love them all.

What are the challenges in my religious life?

My challenges are nothing else than myself, my defect, and my weaknesses. But still, I always put my trust in Him because I can do nothing without Him and His graces. Looking at my current mission area, in the Mercy Home for Girls is a real challenge for me. Because this is my first place of mission, and I don’t know much about their language I always want to help them. Also, due to their different background their family, and some special cases. Therefore, some need to be cared for according to their necessity. However, I still thank God for everything, everything is still under control, despite many challenges. Because here I am not only taking care of them but also teaching in the class which sometimes it’s difficult for me. In this experience, I learn how to manage my time well, with the hectic schedule every day. With this, I have no time to think of myself.

My advice for those who are interested (Conclusion)

In conclusion, for those who want to be religious, do not be afraid because God will give you the graces that you need. Don’t worry about your family or friends or even the ones whom you love so much because God will take care of them, and God can love them much better than us. The greatest gift that you can assure them, is nothing else than the eternal happiness of heaven. Remember when you want to be a religious is not because of someone else but because of Him the one who died on the cross out of love for you. To be a religious means to suffer voluntarily whatever crosses we may receive. All for the greater glory of God and the Salvation of souls. Finally, ask Mama Mary what to do. How to please Jesus and to Console the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. Ask her because she is the one who helps me to discover the place where I shall be and because she is your mother, my mother, and our mother.